Mr. Naughty...

Wrestling match with daddy...

What a silly bunch of boys I have.

Waiting for the boys to wake up + Photo Booth =

What face should I make?

I know, how about...

this one.

Here is another Photo Booth picture that cracks me up.

After we took this one Asher looked at it and said "That is NOT Caleb! That is a monster!"

Silly Caleb...

A few of my favorite old pictures...

Justin taught me how to use our scanner tonight. I started with a few of my favorite old film photographs. I believe the one of Liv and me was taken by Lisa for a photography class, probably about seven years ago. Wow, time flies.

Stacy and me on a chilly day in Rexburg.

My Peter boy...

Firefighter Caleb, 15 months old today!

Today the boys were pretending to be peter. The coolest firefighter we know! The other day we were going down to see my family and as we were getting buckled in the car Asher said "Let's go, I have a surprise for my Peter boy." We sure love him.

What a sweetie...

It's always rough when Justin is gone before the boys even wake up. Asher usually runs through the house looking for him, whining "I miss daddy. I need him!" I usually just give him a hug and say "Me too." But today, while he was looking for Justin, Asher saw our wedding picture on the wall and said "I found him. You are a princess and Daddy is going to church. You guys are BEAUTIFUL."

Super disgusting story...

When you know you are way to used to gross smells: So, sometime last week our car started smelling kind of strange. Then gross. Then really gross. Every time we would get in (in our defense we don't drive all that much...) I would look really quickly for the source of the smell thinking it was a dirty diaper that we forgot, but didn't ever see one. Two days ago Justin looked again in the back and found a grocery sack with a carton of eggs in it. I had gone to the store and loaded the food in the back of the van, then when I got home Justin had gone out to the car to carry it all in. He must not have seen the eggs. So, we were pretty proud of ourselves for finding the source of our problem and taking care of it. But, the smell wasn't going away very quickly. Today, I looked a little harder and found a pound of ground beef that was also still waiting to be taken in! Wow, we're gross.

Priorities...

I am still learning this lesson. This phenomenon that if you do first the most important things, the rest will be taken care of. The beautiful promise that if my priorities are in line with the will of God, then I will have the time, energy, emotional strength and courage to accomplish what is asked of me.

Why do I try to put the sand in first? Why do I let myself get so confused? I think my personality and love of lists make it easy to do it that way. To do all the small tasks first so I can check more off my mental to-do list before I get to the things that matter most. But, I'm also forgetful, prideful and weak. I'm sure that adds to my problem. There is just too much sand! It can never work this way. It's backwards. There will always be something else for me to do, so at the end of my day there is not enough time or room or energy for what really matters. But I've seen it, in my very own life, that if I just put the balls in first, the things that truly matter, all the sand fits too.

This is a hard one for me because the laundry, and dishes, and cooking, and shopping, and planning, and bathing, and clipping, and playing, and finding, and packing, and calling, and lugging, and everything else that moms do has to get done. It has to. I get frustrated when I think the answer is to just not do these things and choose the better part because my family suffers if I don't do them. I think rather the answer is to "pay yourself first" if you will. To do the important things first as an investment, because we will then have the added strength of the Lord. I feel like I do what matters with my family. What I neglect is nourishing my spirit so that I can continue to do these things with my family without feeling exhausted and eventually drained completely.

When I became a mom suddenly there was 4,000 times more sand. Some real, some perceived. But, it's there and it's hard. The problem is that not only did it get harder to focus on what matters most, it also got way more important. The time to run out of emotional strength and love is not when you have little babies to nurture. Enter stress and guilt. It can turn into a cycle. One that is very hard to break. One that I can't break on my own... proving once again that if I put the right things in first, the rest will follow.

Sometimes I think that means the days will get longer or my lists will get shorter. but I'm learning that maybe it means that as I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change. I will learn when to say yes, and when to say no. What to let go of and what to hold on to. That it might take hard work and sacrifice, but I can come back to that place of peace where I am enough, with the strength of God.
Struggling is not fun, and struggling alone is even harder. Thanks friends, for supporting me and teaching me. For the insightful conversations and the perspective. I hope it all makes sense. It's stuff that I have been thinking about for a while and just barely was really hit with.

Love,

The stunning Miss Jane...

Asher got to see his old friend again, and I got to see mine too! Asher and Jane are pretty much the exact same age which pretty much means trouble. They had lots of fun and lots of fights :) My favorite argument was about whose tummy was more full after snacks. "Mine." "No, mine." "NO MINE!" Oh, boy.

Thanks Whit, for letting us come over. So good to talk to you. See you soon.

Morning light with Caleb...

Back to his happy self. Mommy's glad!

He loves my water bottle.

I'm feeling like suddenly he's such a big kid.

Major overload of halloween pictures...

This picture just reminds me how blessed we've been to be able to live in such a beautiful and safe area in Salt Lake. We live in the cinder-block student housing, but it's in an area with tree lined streets and quaint little homes, scattered with parks and close to libraries. And practically across the street from Justin's school. It really has been lovely.
So, we got all dressed up (in borrowed or hand me down costumes this year...) and headed to the little shopping center that does early trick-or-treating. Asher was Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, and Caleb was Squirt the turtle from Finding Nemo {see asher dressed as squirt 2 years ago here and last year's homemade costumes here}. This picture was right as Asher was catching on to the concept of trick-or-treating. Really, that's all I have to do and they'll give me candy? We had a great time and the boys did awesome.

Asher's scary face!

Then we went back to the village for a little more halloween fun.

Caleb pulled off the Squirt thing without a problem.

They sure do have fun together.

Asher the spaceman.

Checking out how much candy he got.

To infinity, and....

BEYOND!

Buzz had to stop at the playground for a little bit...

and then home to enjoy some sugary goodness. Happy Halloween!

Baby needs new shoes...

So, I've been really needing to go get Asher some new shoes, and we finally did last night. We took him to pick some out. It was a hard choice. There were Spiderman shoes, Buzz Lightyear shoes, and Lightning McQueen shoes. How's a boy to decide?! The best part of all was that they lit up when you stomped your feet. Asher was very pleased. I always thought those light up shoes to be somewhat obnoxious, but when it's your own kid getting so thrilled with it that they can't stop smiling... suddenly it's not so annoying as it is adorable.

So, ultimately he picked the Lightning McQueen shoes, then I picked him a second pair of handsome brown shoes, sans flashing lights or animated characters. Next came bedtime and Asher thought we had lost our minds when we wanted him to take off his new shoes. So, we let him sleep in them thinking we'd sneak in later and take them off if we needed to. When I peeked in later he and his new shoes seemed to be doing just fine. I risked waking him up with the flash to take a picture then left him alone.

The next morning at about 7:30 there was a strange thumping sound. Was it our upstairs neighbors? Odd, just a little thump every 20 seconds or so. A little while later Caleb was awake and I went in to get him. When I walked into the room Asher said "Oh hi, Mom. Watch this." He then stomped his little foot on the wall and watched the beautiful light show that followed.

The many moods of Caleb and Asher...

Caleb is walking now. Everyday he is less and less wobbly. This video was from a while ago when he was just barely getting over a high fever that knocked him out for a few days. He lost a bit of weight and was pretty weak afterwards. So sad. He was pretty cranky and didn't want to walk much. I'll try to get more video soon.

Caleb was napping and Asher and I were playing around. This kid cracks me up and is so fun to hang out with. I wanted to record Asher saying "What'd you say?!" because that has recently become his favorite thing to ask (while wrinkling his nose and getting increasingly louder each time he says it) anytime he #1. doesn't understand what you said or #2. doesn't want to understand what you said. We went trough a few emotions in this short clip. He's too funny, but he does always end up happy.

The babies...

Justin took this picture of Caleb the other day. He is such a happy kid... with an unbelievable little temper. I've really never seen anything like it. Asher didn't react the same way as Caleb does so it's all new to me. Asher was more pouty while Caleb likes to fling his body in protest. But, I know as he grows up and learns how to identify and act on his feelings this will be a quality that will serve him well. We might call it passion, devotion, maybe even intensity. But, until then... we'll just call it "Mom needs to hide in the bathroom every once in a while " Just kidding. Sort of.

Justin also took this picture of Super Asher! Toddlers are too much fun.

Meet Buzz Lightyear aka Asher. Our friends let us borrow their costume for Asher to wear yesterday for Justin's class halloween party. After a whole morning of "Yes, I want to wear it" "No, it's too small for me!" "I want daddy to wear it" "Nooo! It's too big for me!" We left without it. Just before we got out of the car Asher said "Mother, I want to wear Buzz Lightyears pants." "Are you sure?" "Yes. Lets go put them on please?" We did and he loved it. He looked too cute in the whole outfit. In fact, he loved it so much that he had to nap in it when we got home.